14. A Philistine in the Kindergarten
I remember my very first experience of audience participation at a performance event.
The Memory: I was in Kindergarten, not that many months into the year, my very first in a classroom and with others my age and size. The teacher gathered us around her, and told us we were going to act out a story she was going to tell. She told us the story of David and Goliath--about the Israelites meeting the much-larger-and-well-armed Philistine army in battle, and how the Israelites sent David, a teenager with nothing but a sling-shot, out to meet with the best of their army, the giant Goliath, well-armed and arrogant. David sent his stone flying, hitting Goliath in the forehead, stunning him into a fall, allowing David to take Goliath's sword and cut off his head. The Philistines retreated in disarray, the Israelites in pursuit. This was quite a story for Kindergarten.
The teacher ended her story with a performance. She divided the class into two halves, the Israelites and the Philistines, and we acted out the 'rout' that came after the death of Goliath. I have no memory of a performance of the challenge or the slingshot or the death--there may have been an actual play. All I remember was that I was one of the Philistines, and at the command of the teacher, we ran around the room and hid under the schoolroom desks, while the half of the class playing the Israelites chased us, and surrounded us, and captured us. I don't know how it started, and I don't know how it ended. All I remember was cowering beneath the schoolroom desks, waiting.
Questions and Contexts: I have many questions, in this case, more than usual.
Why would a teacher tell us this story in Kindergarten? Was it a part of the curriculum? Certainly Christianity was a significant part of public schooling at that time; but I don't remember any specific bible stories in the classroom. We said the Lord's Prayer as part of the beginning of the day, however, and perhaps there were bible readings.
Why would a teacher have us act out this particular story, and in this particular manner? Perhaps she believed it was a good way for a large class of small children to engage with the story, making it a group activity rather than just a lot of children watching one or two people act out a death. Certainly it worked--I remember this because this event clearly had a physiological and emotional effect on me.
I remember this event, and under no circumstances, at any time thereafter, did I want to be identified as a Philistine. Job done....
I only remember my part of this performance, only running, only hiding, only cowering. I have no memory of anyone else individually. It was a visceral experience. I could spend time describing the wooden desks--but not the other people under them with me.
But what was the longer-term effect, personally? For myself, I grew up with no one else my age around me, except for one next-door neighbour, who would be with me when we started school. There was no daycare, pre-school, or any other socializing that I can remember, until we started Kindergarten that year. I had no experience or understanding of institutions, or of group learning. Quite honestly, the first time I saw the classroom, through the window of the closed door, some weeks before school began, I remember seeing all the desks pushed together, with the chairs sitting on top of the tables (likely to make it easy to clean, but who knows)--and the sight was so alien to me, that I burst out crying. Adjusting to 'school as an institution' was no small thing for me, and though I may have been particularly 'under-socialized,' still, I have to believe I wasn't alone in my disorientation. I had just been abducted against my will to an institution I did not in any way understand.
And it was in this frame of mind that I was told to play the role of a Philistine, and to run around the classroom 'as if' frightened, and to hide under the same desks that I had found so unnerving at first contact. The desks, the chairs, the classroom, and the performance all gave me a sense that the space was oppressive, a danger to me. It was not safe.
Yes, I know. It was only a game. But this is the power of performance--the teacher telling us a story distanced us, but acting out one small part of it reinforced both the power of the story, but also by association an early fear of the classroom.
